Happy Monday, Friends!
I have a few house posts coming up this week, but I pushed them back simply because my heart won't stop melting over this precious smile.
Yesterday afternoon I got to spend time with my niece, and oh boy, I can't get enough.

She's simply brilliant. She's beautiful. And, she has a giggle that comes right from the gut. Every action and reaction amazes me. She tucks her little chin in her shoulder and sways from side to side, while holding her hands together at her waist. She opens her mouth really wide and puts her hand over it when she's really excited. She whispers "sshhh" when putting her doll to sleep. She runs around the house with a huge smile on her face, stops, waves, and keeps going. She babbles on and on, with her hands waving in the air a mile a minute, as if she's saying "Guys! Listen up! This is exciting stuff!"
Suddenly she's gone from this little peanut to looking like a little woman, so full of joy!

...And hearing her say "Aunt Mere Mere," melts.my.heart into a million pieces!


OH yes, she also still looks identical to my brother. (Mom, if you're reading this, I swear you have a picture of Matt that looks identical to the one below.)
She does have her momma's laugh though :)!!

A few months ago, I had put together a post of the 6 most commonly asked questions about residency life- in celebration of completing 6 months of residency! It seemed to resonate with a lot of readers and sparked some great conversation. Before we started residency and when I launched this blog, I knew I wanted it to be more than just random writings and pictures. I wanted to be engaged in a community of people and be a place of encouragement and support (of course, with a big dose of humor and randomness!)
This idea has become a bit more clear has time has passed.
In an effort to keep this little torch going (although it seems like it has gone out over the past few months!), I'm introducing a series:



The whole idea behind this is to:

- encourage others 
- learn from others experiences  
- inform people  
- be honest

Why is it named "FORUM?" Well, there's going to be little learning if I'm the only one participating.  I'm not an expert on the medical life. We have four years of medical school and one year of residency (almost!) under the belt. In my opinion, the more input from others, the better. If I've learned anything from residency, it's that we can't (and don't want) to go through it alone. So please feel free to comment, share and give input. It's valued! (And I promise it will be much more interesting, who wants to hear my ramblings all day? ;)

I'm really excited about the conversations that we'll have in the upcoming months about certain topics! My hope is that it can promote healthy conversations and encourage others, not only as people in the medical profession, but anyone who can relate (I'm positive the majority of people can in one way or another)

Hopefully this gives anyone who can relate a small voice.


All that being said, let's roll out post #2:

I've been collecting responses for the past few weeks about the biggest misconceptions that people face as residents, spouses and families. Keeping with the original post, all answers are anonymous. I should also say that all answers below are from women's perspectives, whose husbands, fiances and boyfriends are medical residents.

Next up on the conveyer belt:

The TOP 5:


1) We are rich.
2) Wives don't work or have a career.
3) "I am exaggerating when I say he works a lot"
4) The amount of time invested
5) "Your life must stink!"



1) We are rich
(This was overwhelming the most common answer.)


- Residents make a decent, livable wage--I am incredibly grateful for that. Residents are, however, definitely not rich and most carry a significant financial debt as a result of undergraduate studies and Medical School. Most of us are pretty much middle class families with a monthly budget just like everyone else!


- Residents are not fellows, attendings or doctors in a private practice. When people think of "doctors" this is what they think of, which is typically followed by countless dollar signs. Residents are doctors in training and the only dollar signs following their name would be in RED from the debt they most likely accrued during medical school!


- I work with people who are actually rich, as in bring home millions a year and think it's a bad payday, so no, that's not us. Residents are mostly paid by medicare (aka the federal government) and make pretty much the same amount of money no matter where your training is in the country (with the exception of certain programs giving small bonuses, etc). If you want to get specific, relative to the majority of people in the world, yes we are all very rich. Relative to a doctors salary (as in has already completed residency + fellowship), it's minimal.


- I think for me, one of the biggest misconceptions people think is that since I married a doctor, therefore we have lots of money already. Little do they know we have more debt racked up than them because of his schooling and constant test taking that he has to do! You try explaining it to them, but most people don't truly understand all the money that goes into the schooling aspect and how long you actually have to be working to see that fruition.



2) Wives don't work or have a career
....and pandoras box just opened...



- I had someone ask me a few months ago what my husband does. When I said he was a Urology resident, he actually said to me "oh! so you probably just stay home eating bon bons then?" You've got to learn to take comments like these in stride and find polite ways to respond. I recognize that every woman is different, and some women find great pleasure in being a homemaker and some families can financially afford this scenario. I do find it frustrating that some people assume because my husband is a physician that I must not be educated or desire my own career and that I couldn't possibly be the "bread winner" in the home.


- Even though I am educated, sometimes I feel like it is not respected due to my husband being more educated. "Why worry about your career?", "You don't have to work," 'Oh, you're taken care of," are the constant mentalities that I encounter. My boss has even made these comments to me. Sometimes I find it difficult to stand on my own two feet and say I have a great job, because it seems minimal and almost silly to people, since they are comparing me to what they perceive my husbands to be.


- "you are a surgeon's wife! You're set!" "why are you worrying about your career your husband is a DOCTOR!"


- This is a continual struggle for people to understand or recognize. Whether I want a career inside or outside of the home isn't necessarily the point. They should both be respected and both are typically not. It's the "you don't need a career," or the "of course she doesn't work, she's a doctors wife," comments.


{SPOILER ALERT! *This topic alone sparked a HUGE conversation. Women + careers is one of my favorite topics, especially in light of the husband having a very demanding one. This topic alone is next up in the series and will surely prompt multiple posts :) If you have any insight, questions or particular stories, please email me or comment. I would love your read your opinions & I know others would too}



3) The amount of work

- None of the surgery wives are exaggerating when they say their husbands work 80 hours per week. I admit, when I heard significant others of residents say this before my husband was a resident, I thought they were exaggerating. How wrong I was!


- People assume that I'm lying when I say he works 80+ hours a week. I wish I could say that wasn't true!


- Unfortunately, I find myself getting annoyed at people who complain that they worked more than 40 hrs in a week. I know it's wrong, because they probably did work hard and that was a lot for them, but my sympathy levels have severely dropped for the complaints. I never realized how MUCH 80+ hours would actually be. It truly changes your life and your spouses. What I would give for him to work 50 hrs!


4) Overall time investment

- Sometimes I think that people just think that my husband rolled out of bed one day and boom!, he became a doctor. Although people know you have to go to medical school, they aren't aware of the years and years of training after that. They simply assume that if you graduate medical school, so you must be rich and play a lot of golf.


- I don't think people realize (and I sure didn't before) how long of a road it is for my husband to complete his training. With 4 years of medical school and almost a year of residency under his belt, he will have 6 more years of residency plus 2-3 more years of fellowship before he will settle in his career as a surgeon. Combining undergrad, medical school, residency and fellowship - that's 17-18 years of education and training he will have completed before he starts his "real" job.


- There is a huge opportunity cost in the medical field that people rarely factor in. Not only financial, but time. Although the two can be closely connected, the time investment is astronomical too! Not only is your spouse working unhealthy hours, it is for LONG periods of time- years and years and years. The "real job" doesn't begin until your early or mid 30's (assuming they went to medical school right out of undergrad), which brings to question major life choices like when to have children, move, buy a house, etc.



5) "Your life must stink!"

- There's no doubt that keeping and growing a healthy marriage is challenging. The long hours, limited energy, and life responsibilities - you're trying to juggle it all. It takes a tremendous amount of effort that can sometimes seem futile and it can get exhausting- fast. I think our society is so used to people just walking away or giving up when push comes to shove, people sometimes assume that's what should happen. I tend to get more fed up with the "oh yeah, my best friends cousins cousins was married to a doctor..." The best thing I could tell someone would be to encourage couples rather than share the unfortunate stories, we all know there are many.


- This is one of two reactions that people have when they ask what your husband does, the other is a wide eyed smile reflecting the fact that they think they just met a millionaire. The other, a look of pity and "oh, hows that going for you," that says they have some knowledge of the time & effort it requires. 9 times out of 10, it is followed by the "how often do you see eachother," question. I can't blame people for asking, but I can for assuming that life must be horrible. Each couple is different and finds the ebb and flow eventually - don't assume that our life is miserable.


- I wish I could tell you how many stories I've heard about affairs and failed marriages, but it would take a novel! Yes, that happens and it is very sad and unfortunate. Trust me, I understand the stress that comes with being married to a doctor. However, that doesn't mean my husband is cheating. Even to joke about it disrespects me, my husband and our marriage. I can't say I'm fond of those conversations, and typically walk away more annoyed!

After Key West, we made our way back up the islands and decided to stay at Islamorada based on some friends suggestions. It is also deemed the "sport fishing capital of the world," so of course the hubby rallied for this location!

The only thing we I hated about Key West was the fishing trip that turned into a disaster. AKA: Kyle's birthday present gone wrong. Way wrong.




No, it wasn't because we only caught a few fish. It was because I spent the entire time hurled over the side of the boat. The shots below were taken in-between throwing up. It took all my strength to just reel that barracuda in. It.was.miserable. I have post traumatic just talking about it.




To add insult to injury, I spent the next five hours flopped like a dead fish onto our hotel bed, passed out and drooling uncontrollably. The "less-drowsy" motion sickness medicine didn't live up to its name. Although Kyle found it necessary to document this lovely event, I'll spare you the picture.

After the first fail, we decided to try again and go snorkeling. Although I had to be pushed onto the boat, we were only in the flats (aka no deep waters). Thankfully, that turned out much better! (If any of you enjoy snorkeling, I must say, the snorkeling in Belize is 10x better - but this was still worth going!)
But of course, what would be an adventure on this trip without something going wrong? Birthday boy left his phone in his pocket and our "waterproof" camera got ruined. Needless to say, that little adventure turned out be an expensive one.






The victories? Food! The stuff my body is killing me for now.
Some friends recommended some great places to try, and they didn't disappoint. Even Bo's, which looked like it was going to fall in on itself at any second, had the best shrimp a girl could ask for.






At this point, you may be thinking that our trip was a disaster. But, a few hiccups weren't going to keep us from having a great vacation! All we could do it laugh about the mishaps and plan our next adventure.
I promise, it gets much better, and does not include stories of getting sick or breaking things.

I'll share the rest tomorrow, Happy Tuesday!

Kyle,

This is one of your favorite weeks. You think you can go to Cabela's and get way too much fishing gear to celebrate our anniversary AND your birthday. We also happen to be in the 'sport fishing capital of the world' today, so you're on cloud nine, jumping around like I imagined you did when you received your first fishing pole years ago. That excitement has never left you, and I adore you for it.

Happy Birthday to my favorite fisherman :)

xoxoxoxo
Wifey


PS. Just for your birthday, I promise not to throw up over the side of the boat today. I took extra meds just for you.

PSS.
I snuck outside this morning and had a chat with the tarpon. They are ready to be caught this afternoon, just waiting for you to come get 'em.

People always tell you that the years fly by. It's never seemed more true than today.
Today, we celebrate three years of marriage, and what a ride it's proven to be.
Last year, I wrote about how I wanted to appreciate Kyle more, soak in each moment and treasure life for what it is - a gift.

This year, all I can say is that I'm downright overflowing with gratitude for that gift.
Our journey has only just begun, yet the memories from the past three years make my heart full. This past year has held tremendous change, joy and sorrow. If we've learned anything it's that life is unpredictable, and we must hold tight to what we've been given - each other.
Today may be just another day on most people's calender. For us, it's a time to laugh about all of our mistakes and give thanks for the ride. We reflect on one of the happiest days of our lives, and talk about the story that began when we said "I Do." A story that will continue to unfold as we take on life. Together.


Life is simply better with you. Happy 3 Years, Hubs!

A couple of weeks ago I admitted that I've been having this ongoing pain in my foot and ankle, causing me to give up running for a week until I was able to get x-rays. I was irritated as could be about it.
Isn't it silly that it's so easy to overlook how fragile the body is? To think we're pretty invincible, with the thought of injury never really being, well, a thought.
Then, you make one strange step and find yourself pouting on the couch, wondering if you'll ever be able to run again- because, of course, you have to take any minor setback to the extreme. To add necessary insult to my pity party, I went to the doctors office at the hospital and found myself humbled. The "wow" factor with a sense of shame. Suddenly a lousy foot injury seemed irrelevant in light of the sick patients that occupy the beds. If you are ever feeling the need to be humbled, go wander around a hospital for 20 minutes. Okay, off my tangent, back to the diagnoses.

Thankfully, I left the docs office with some good news. The x ray didn't reveal any fracture! When the doc told me, I clapped few times. I'm pretty sure  I gave them reason for some blonde jokes when I left, but I don't care - I was thrilled!
I don't have a stress fracture, but I do have plantar fasciitis. Since it is in my arch and not heel, it's not a classic case. Some may think I shouldn't be happy about this outcome, since it's still an injury. But, it's totally manageable and can heal much quicker than a fracture.
For better or worse, the PA admitted to me that she's had plantars for years and continues to run. Did that give me the thumbs up to keep going?! Because that's what I heard!

No worries, I have taken it pretty easy. I took 10 days off of running and stuck with more low-impact exercises, now easing my way back into higher mileage. (I also rediscovered my love of biking, goodness it's fun!)

Now, I spend my days rolling a pop can under my foot, stretching it out and massaging it on and off. This foot has gotten a lot of love...and it's feeling SO much better!

As for my ankle, it is a completely separate issue. I was sent home with a custom brace and it's made a world of difference. I simply twisted it & it caused a ruckus!
By the way, I also lost a filling last week while chewing a granola bar. I'm falling apart at the seams. I just need to live in a bubble for a while, reset this whole pattern I have going on.

In the mean time, you'll find me trying to bribe Kyle each night for a foot massage.



It seems quite ridiculous to talk about running and not mention the horrific happenings of earlier this afternoon in Boston. There are little words, just a lot of anger and confusion. When evil is so easily seen in our world, flashed across our screen in images of blood and tears, it derives every emotion one can have. The one redeeming part is the continual heroic efforts of people helping people - the spirit of community never deafened. Our hearts fully knowing that good will always overcome evil.

I've run into a complete writers block. I counted my posts "in drafts" last night and I have a total of 30. Do I have a problem with commitment or simply can't get my thoughts together?
Probably both!
I know I'm the only one who puts pressure on myself to publish a certain amount of posts per week, connect with other bloggers and maintain readership. Completely made-up, unneeded pressure. Sort of silly, I know. This morning, I was determined to finish something for the blog. So, I sat down with a cup of joe, with one intention to write whatever came to mind and see where it took me. After paragraphs of rambling, there was a recurring theme that made me smirk: Balance. 
I went with it...

Just like everyone else, I find myself trying desperately to balance life. Now more than ever. Between work, running a photography business, everyday house work, church, keeping a strong marriage, writing a blog, manageing house projects and renovations and a budget, finding time to get groceries or let alone cook, working out, carving out time to see friends and family, and taking care of the Maizy pup (not in any order, of course)...this list may not end for a while so I'll stop there. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. In the midst of which I hate that I don't get to see my niece but every few weeks, or my elderly grandparents- both of which bring so much joy to life. If it's not one thing, it's always another. There's never a lack of things stealing my attention. And I hate that.

Can you relate? I have a strong inclination that I'm not the only one.

I don't, by any means, intend to come across as if I am complaining. I have very little, if anything, to really complain about. I'm intimately aware that my first-world problems pale in comparison to real problems of this world. I'm just babbling on because I can, as I attempt to break through the writer's block that has entangled my thoughts for the past few weeks.

Thank you for humoring me as I ramble. Sometimes it feels really good to do so.
I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on how you find balance in life. It seems like the never ending question.

I can say I have found one rule that keeps me grounded. It's something that Kyle and I try hard to stick to: relationships over to-do lists.
It may not be the "practical" option (and trust me, sometimes I just want to finish the overflowing laundry!), but there's no comparison to investing time with friends and family. This cute coffee date will win every time:

Although I was adamant that I would not watch "Married To Medicine",  I was laying in bed last night waiting for Kyle to get home from a late shift, and low and behold, channel 52 . From all of the other blogs I've read, I must admit that I already had my mind made up. It went something along the lines of it being fake, scripted, and playing on stereotypes. Obviously, I wasn't thrilled.
Of course, I had an internal battle with whether to keep flipping through the channels or to stay put and see how this so called doctor wife life plays out.

Conclusion: Train Wreck.
Complete and utter train wreck.

We "know" it's not real,  yet we watch it, get sucked in and by the end we are convinced that it MUST be real. Mind games I tell you! The problem with this show is with all of the policies on the table in Washington and the broad stereotypes of doctors today, it proves to be more dangerous than entertaining.

Before getting serious, let's talk about the semi- entertaining part for a quick minute: (Yeah, I can't give it enough credit to be fully entertaining.)

1) Some of the husbands are ER docs. Translation = shift work. Which is great for them (there was a time I tried to convince Kyle to do ER just for the schedule!), but they need not complain about their lonng, horribleeee hours.

2) Just like Jane mentioned, all the houses are new and don't even looked lived in. Did they buy them for the show? Maybe their payday from Bravo is helping them live this lavious life that they claim their husbands careers support. Can we talk about the meeting in the architecture office & the look on the consultants face? Priceless. If I ever act like that, someone slap me in the face. Hard.

3) The comment "she is new to the doctor wives club, so she really needs to make sure to attend our charity events."  There's a club?

4) It would make me nervous flashing money, your house and overkill lifestyle all over the screen when your husband is a doctor who can easily get sued. As naive of a person as I am, I know that there are people out there just waiting for their payday from suing a doctor. I wonder if they thought about this? (Furthermore, did they have to get clearance from the hospital?!)

5) The quote "I didn't 'marry medicine.' Medicine was lucky enough to find me." wwhhhhatttt?


Okay, back to the down and dirty:

The show seems to twist it to make the viewer think that the doctor earns oodles of cash and the woman spend their time putting together expensive parties and getting their nails done. However, some of the woman have thriving careers. Obviously, they are bringing in income to support their family, even though their husbands are physicians (I should mention that two of the women are doctors and their husbands are not). Whether by choice or necessity, maybe that should be celebrated a bit more! But, that wouldn't be as entertaining - would it?

In REALITY, the only thing this show is doing is perpetuating stereotypes that doctors are swimming in cash, live fanciful lives, have trophy wives, and spend afternoons at the country clubs. That doesn't even sound like a fun life! It sounds lame and boring, at least you could spend it on the beach that you arrived on with your private jet.
Joking.

A few friends have sent this article on and I'd *highly* recommend reading it. 
If you want a very real glimpse of one doctors life, read on:


 "Dear Lawmakers, What it's like to be a doctor today."
(Psst.. I'd also suggest reading the comments section. Always good conversations starters ;)


My guess is that that life wouldn't get the viewership.


_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On a side note, because I can't simply slip away into the day and not say SOMETHING about the BIG game tonight! (I'm so predictable!) I'm sporting my blue and gold today, complete with a yellow ribbon draped in my hair.
Ann Arbor is going to closely resemble downtown Hotlanta tonight. It's gettin' wild up here in the Midwest. I can hardly wait to watch this game!! I'm squeamish just thinking about it! GO BLUE!!!!

Quite possibly one of my favorite pictures:

So, I've been having this pain. I was running a few weeks ago and twisted my ankle on the icey, muddy frozen tundra. Didn't think much of it at the time. Once in a while I'd feel pain in my ankle and especially in the bottom of my foot, but ignored it assumed it would go away after a few days.

When you happen to be married to a doctor, the natural thing to do is to go to them and have them examine the issue. Not only that, but then follow their instructions for healing. That would the logical thing to do.


My logic looks like this:
Pain = no running? Ignore.

I finally told Kyle I'd been having this throbbing pain in the bottom on my foot for about a week, and had him check it out (also hoping that would mean I'd get a foot massage- no such luck.)
The docs diagnoses: I have a stress fracture in my foot, which may have been triggered by twisting my ankle, or different work outs or transitioning too quickly back to my minimalist shoes. Either way, I don't care. I'm just devastated. That's not even the right word, I've been SO angry that I've continued to ignore the pain and go about my merry way. Until today.

The last three days of workouts have caught up with me and proven that I'm being a total idiot.

Although my body and Kyle are telling me the same thing, it is not what I wanted to hear. So, I decided to not only Google 'stress fractures' but did the ultimate no-no: webmd. 
That's right, I live with a doctor and somehow still found myself searching webmd hoping that a computer program would give me an explanation that says I can run. Instead, the symptoms checker told me I had a broken foot.

Sorry hubby, I promise not to cheat on you with webmd again.

Here's to spending the next few weeks on a stationary bike. I'm going to try and be really chipper about this, but friends, I am not happy.

Anytime Kyle has a sliver of time off, he tries to find a way to go fishing. (Unless it's the Fall, then it becomes any way to go hunting.) He would travel the world just to fish and love every second of it. He's already made a good dent in that plan.


Last week was one of his vacation weeks, so inevitably, he spent some days on the water. The steelhead are currently spawning, so he headed up north to the Muskegon River. Have you ever eaten steelhead trout? They are delicious!!

I won't lie here - I usually drag my feet about fishing. This blog may make it look as if I'm right on board with going, miss.fisherwoman herself, buuuttttt that's not usually the case. I need to be convinced. Then, sometimes I just go to appease my husband and avoid a guilt trip. I assume it won't be fun unless we catch something. However, it always ends up being fun and then I hear the famous "I told you so!" comment...when will I learn?! Maybe I have been fighting my inner fisherwoman this whole time?!

 Remember our  successful salmon trip last fall?



Well, this time we made it our family funday, just Kyle, Maizy and I. Yes, Maizy joined us on the boat. Kyle and his dad took her the day before and claimed she loved it, so when she was at the door waiting to the leave in the early morning, we took that as sign that she wanted to join again.
THANK GOODNESS for her black coat and snugly personality, that sun made her a headed blanket for my frozen body the first two hours. Kyle graciously gave me his overalls and elmer fudd hat. Bringing sexy back, friends.


Two hours in and no bites. Thankfully, the day turned around by noon!




Catching steelhead is SO fun because they are fighters! There's so much strategy to landing one, so once the rod tips it's game on. The scenario goes like this:
Kyle jumps up and down, grabs the rod, hands it to me, grabs the camera, and calmly talks me through how to reel it in. It's one of his greatest joys in life to see his wife land a huge fish, it's on his top five of sexiest things ever. You think I'm joking.




I can't remember the last time we had no cell phone service, and the only noises were from the wilderness and wind. It was probably a year ago in Belize. There's a lot to be said for peace, quiet and quality time together....even if you're dressed in twenty layers and haven't showered.

After a calming day on the river, we spent the evening jumping up and down, pacing the living room and screaming like hooligans. It was well worth having no voice come Saturday morning. THEN we got to watch our team crush Florida on Easter. Way to make a good weekend a GREAT weekend, boys! (I should mention that watching Ware get injured still makes my stomach churn. Goodness that was horrible! Did you see it live? Painful is an understatement.)