I had a small epiphany a while ago. Something I've been sitting on for quite a few months. Something to mildly rejoice about, maybe even give a big high five to getting older and wiser.
What was it? I don't care.
That was it, plain and simple. I'm totally imperfect and I don't care.
I was standing in HomeGoods a few months ago, perusing through the lovey vases, and a woman next to me was on her phone. She was chatting about a dog, who I had heard barking from her car in the parking lot. She hung up her phone, looked up me, and I smiled. Within 20 seconds, I discovered that her son was recently killed, the fiance didn't want the dog, her apartment doesn't allow dogs, so now she has a dog and has to find a new home because she can't give up the one thing she still has of her son. Within 20 seconds. I learned two things 1) This woman is completely heartbroken and has gone through tremendous hurt and 2) People just want to be real. They want honest, raw people just listen to them.
Why am I telling you this?
That woman wasn't about saving face. She needed a shoulder and a person to listen. Perfect or not.
I found that my heart and mindset have begun to change. There's been situations that have come up where I realize my responses never filter through the "save face," mindset. There has been a shift from not wanting to share certain things in fear of people judging me, to desiring to share because I knew that others could relate. The "Hey, I don' t have it all together," shout-from-the-rooftop kinda feeling!
So what if our laundry room is full of dirty clothes, I haven't had time to cook in a week, I feel guilty for working in the evenings when Kyle is actually home, I'm struggling with reading the Bible everyday, I don't feel 'in shape', or I'm having a hard time making major life decisions. This is life! Whew. Try it, isn't it a great feeling?!
The worst thing I could do as a Christian, a wife, a woman, a daughter and friend, is to sugar coat life to make it look like a character in a Disney movie, prince charming and all. The question creeps into my mind multiple times per week, why is it so hard to be transparent? This world is full of everything fake and superficial, it's no wonder people flock and respond to honesty. I think we desire it.
So, I'm going to practice what I preach. There's no sense in saying I'm perfectly okay with being imperfect & transparent only to end with a period and no evidence of such. It can be scary to be raw, but I've truly come to believe that we are meant to be. This is me peeing my pants in public and simply being honest with things I may or may not have ever shared with you. What a relief (no pun intended.)
Whew. Maybe that wasn't as deep as you wanted me to get. But we'll leave it there for this Monday afternoon.