Living in transition is an opportunity to learn. I should have known this from previous experience. It's become a theme in my life.
I too quickly forget about the time when I returned from Africa. I was looking for a job, wasn't sure where I was going to live, and adjusting to counter culture-shock. I remember laying in bed crying because I felt so unsure and full of fear as to what my next steps were. I found myself fluctuating between fear and faith for months.
Now, I sit in my living room that doesn't feel like home, and I find my heart in a similar place. The well laid out plans, my plans, haven't worked out the way I'd hoped. The unknowns that keep me continually praying are the same ones that can produce doubt. To trust in a bigger plan than my own is a difficult task. I'm an organizer, a planner, and I prefer things 'just so,'- isn't life just a little easier that way?
Isn't it so much easier to become discouraged, take another nap, eat another brownie and complain? For the past few weeks, I've felt this discouragement begin to rise to the surface, and my attitude beginning to change. I've found it's in those tiny moments when you catch a glimpse of what is happening that you have the chance to change it. To choose faith over doubt. To choose thankfulness over desires.
If I think back to what the most difficult times have showed me about myself, have revealed to me about the Lord, and have taught me about life, I'd never desire to relive it another way.
It's these "in-between" times that catch me off guard, they force me to find my strength in Christ every day, sometimes every moment.